Wednesday, April 19, 2006

The Day's Thoughts

Well, so far K has not had too much of a problem with her harness. It does not seem to bother her as much as it bothers us. It is tougher to change her diapers and tough to figure out what she is going to wear because it must be big enough to go over her harness. Today she slept a lot according to Aunt Amy. She must have been wiped out from her long day yesterday and her lack of sleep last night. She woke us up around 4am this morning which is very abnormal for K. She has been sleeping through the night since she was somewhere around six weeks old so this was a big change for Christa and me.

Christa and I are doing a little better today. It is tough to watch our young daughter go through what she is going through and know we can do little about it. It is also tough to be optimistic when it seems like every time we turn around there is something else wrong that causes K to need medical attention. I don't know that I have ever been so discouraged/angry/disappointed/heartbroken...etc in my life. I know what she is going through is not that big in comparison to things that many others go through, yet that is little consolation in light of the fact that those others are not my kid and I have not felt the pain for them like I do for K (not because I don't care, but there is something about the child being your own kid). She is such a beautiful baby and it is hard to understand why this is the situation she has to endure.

God does have a purpose, but in the midst of pain it is not easy to see that purpose or understand it. Christa and I hurt more than K does from this situation and we keep waiting for a reprieve. I know He will use this situation, but it takes much strength, faith, and endurance to get to the point where we can see the situation used. Paul stated, "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." I have to keep reminding myself that this is the same for me. My strength cannot come from myself or those around me, but only from Christ Jesus. Paul endured personally much more than I and he stated "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain." What a perspective to have in approaching life. I pray that Christa and I can know this more fully and have this perspective more fully through this whole situation.

One last thing, we have decided to use the Shriner's Hospital for K's surgeries and other medical needs that arise. They have been very good to us and it appears that I will be getting to know them fairly well over the next month or so. They help many kids each year and we are confident that K will receive great care from them. We have also decided to not go to Northside this Friday in light of this decision.

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